I know that I have opened some eyes and depressed some with my beginnings, they were hard and sad, but fun and exciting as well. Chosing this path was never going to be an easy one, it always throws challenges at you.

I look back on my early days and still feel like it was someone else's life. It was such a whirlwind.

It always makes me smile the threads on can you fancy a client. I remember my first major crush, god he was hunky. I used to see him every week. Tall, dark, handsome, the perfect man until I found out he was married, DAMN!! I came back from house hunting one day and the agency rang to say "Paul" was waiting outside my incall flat for me. With about 2 dozen clients called Paul I did not have a clue who he was. As I pulled into the car park, the big beam across my face should have said it all, I thanked the agency profusely, told them that I loved them and then went off to forget about estate agents for a steamy hour. Just looking at this guy would make me dribble to my knees. And he was not a one off, most months it happens. One in particular this year I could visualise marrying and having children with. We tried dating but our two lifestyles and worlds could not match.

I remember the first time I heard about reviews, wow, I could not believe that guys wrote about pubic hairlines, breast firmness and your ability to perform. It was flattering, embarrassing and sometimes insulting to read. I read some of my great ones and would think that is not me. I was portrayed as some sort of godess when really all I was and am is just a girl that grew up in Essex, just a normal girl next door.

I look back at my first not so good review with anger. So now we all know I was date raped, whoppie doo, I never hid it from anyone. I went on national telly and spoke about it, to try and create awareness. Then some pathetic person took that one factor and spouted shit about me. How dare he?!?! Oh and my accent, I come from Essex FFS, what do you expect? And I don't have an Essexy accent, get real! I was a tiny 10 and that past it has been made me feel bad about not being skinny enough for him. I had my head down the toilet for the rest of the night forcing myself to be sick and crying, I can never understand how some men can be so cruel. Maybe it is the lack of skills with women that has driven him down the route of booking escorts. It is a two way street. As you can tell the anger is still there.

I have learnt other the years how cruel and backstabbing boards can be. And the worse are normally the guys, they read your posts and try and interpret or intimidate you. The men that hide behind their user names often forget that it is our livelihoods that they are playing god with. Whilst you leanr over the years how cruel it can be you never really get used to it. With each no insult or accusations it cuts deep. But now I have the "fuck you" attitude towards it all. Who is that person to say or think that about me? Do they actually know me when they come up with these assumptions?

Like every business you get regulars and I was fortunate, or good enough I should say, to have mine. My Thursday night regular used to bring me really thoughtful presents, CD's of music that he knew I would like, or when I got my first ever Xmas tree he bought me the gorgeous Tigger glass baubles that are on my tree downstairs now. I saw this guy for many months before I quit. I must have been back to work a year before he found me again. It is nice when they come back.

I met my Friday night regular the same week I met the first client I dated. My Friday night regular used to try and meddle in my new emerging relationship. He would meddle with the agency and say I was being beaten, big round furry things that my dog is now missing!!! I had some fantastic times with him, Alton Towers at Halloween, weekends away, the fabulous New York, I really did have a good time but after a year something had to give. I wont go into detail about why I ended it but it had to end.

I never thought I was special or the glamour girl I read about on the internet, I was still me. I used to tie my hair back with my thong whilst jumping in the shower with clients. On incalls I rarely put make up on as I used to drag clients into the shower for oral action and panda eyes did not suit me. The world of escorting developed my sexual tastes, I had my first orgasm, my first girl on girl experience, my first duo, my first couple, my first proper adult heartbreaking love.

This board in particular really did help me grow into an adult. The internet punting scene really did teach me alot, some of you guys really are rats, some of you are prince charming, but ultimately I am definately loving c**k. Sorry but thought I had used enough swear words in this blog.

My parting remark in this entry is a big THANK YOU, thank you to the guys that used to be the shits on the old message board. Those that used to be so cruel and vindictive, to the whole gang of them that used to sit back and pick at girls and come out with such cruel comments, you brought me one of my greatest friends. Lets just say the girl from Emerson Park is better than you were ever worthy of meeting and those that didn't meet but still played witch hunt with them, she is worth a billion of you. To the bully boys, that is what you are bullies, and I don't care anymore, I am bigger and tougher and stronger than you, and the thing about bullies is they are cowards, and they only pick on people that they are secretly jealous of. All you do is make us girls stick closer together and we get new friendships from it. So THANK YOU keep up the great work!!!